hey there.

What´s happened in the past few hours/days that make me feel like blogging? I don´t really know. It´s just a feeling I got. Suddenly I just felt like. I listened a lot to those deep Eminem songs like Mockingbird, going through changes. I was watching the simpsons when I suddenly experienced a Creativity flash. I don´t know, I just felt like doing something good. I watched those creative people on youtube where they make like a crossbow out of something small. I didn´t do it, so I went up and googled “how to draw small sad things”. So I ended up being on a page that says ” Ten things not to say to depressed people”. It´s a blog like mine, I feel like some people are actually reading her Blog. I feel like she´s a girl, because it´s all in Pink. I guess I´ll follow her. She seems to be a good person (the Blog is called “purplepersuasion”, http://purplepersuasion.wordpress.com/2011/07/31/ten-things-not-to-say-to-a-depressed-person/). So why do I care so much about this Post? I´m actually not yet in the stage where people know I´m depressed. Or at least I think so, I never told anyone. The one person I told about and everyone who knows about it, are often like this “Hey,you seem to be so lucky and funny and you have no reason to feel like you do”. It´s just not appropriate. I often think ” Yeah fuck you, why do you even care? It´s my life, I can feel however I want, and you´ve never experienced something like it”. This is why I don´t want anybody to know about it. What else happened? Well, I was at a party, and I had my ups and downs there. There were times when I was like a normal teen, just chilling and drinkin beer. But there were also these moments in which I felt completely depressed, I felt like I don´t belong here, I was even at the point where I thought about committing suicide or cutting myself. The guy who threw the party was pretty ok, I was the only one to stay after everyone was gone, to help him cleaning up. Fck ths grmmr. After cleaning up, we talked a little. There was also this girl. Let´s name her coraline. She is different to most of the girls. How? Well, she also goes to clubs and likes getting drunk, and is is like a normal person. But then she´s also different. Like the way she behaves. She´s not the casual high-life-club bitch and not the quiet girl. She´s like an own category. I often think about texting her, but then the negative part of me is like ” Hey, you ugly bro, don´t even try it. You have absolutely nothing to offer that is good, your skin is broken, and You´ve got some disgusting looking spots on your skin. You are also depressed, so how and why should you be together? There´s no reason for this to happening. Then she had like a unicorn-balloon on a pic, similar to the one he used to have on his profile pic. I sent him a screenshot and said” bro is that your unicorn?”- he was like “shiet dawg she´s a beauty. Go and ask her out”. Then I answered him ” Haha for sure”. I was actually like why not? This will never happen. The worst case could be either her saying no or us being a couple and breaking up. Thinking about it, I´ll just say if she says no “Then just see it as a flattery”. The best thing to happen for me would be if I could get in the Friendzone. I´d actually love to be in someone´s friendzone. But how do I get in? I asked my source of wisdom about it. And everytime I ask her something I gotta turn off the music and focus to understand the meaning in the answer she sends me. She is like a combination of god, an angel, a sister and some more good stuff. Just phenomenal. I´d love to see her again one day. I´ll do my very best. She was like” Sure, go ahead and do it, if you want it. Go and hide in your shell and hide for the rest of your life. Or go out, keep looking for the right one, life´s hard anyways, so what”. Right now I am thinking about texting her all the time. MAybe I´ll do so one day.

 

Have a nice one